Thursday, July 23, 2009

...Stars Must Shine and Beauty is More than Skin Deep...

For me, it's like this: If you’re a celebrity and I go to the trouble to closely follow your career, support your efforts, boast about you to others, and try to spread the word of the glory that is you, the very least you can do for me is not fall of the ding- dang pedestal I put you on!

I don’t want to hear about how deep down you’re just a regular human being. I know, dangit, but you’re screwing up the fantasy with all this humanity crap. Sure it’s unreasonable, but some people have unreasonable jobs and your job is provide me with an escape from reality- not a reminder. Stay on your job!

This means…

-1- No DUIs
-2- No getting caught with drugs in your vehicle or on your person (I don’t care if it’s “not yours” stop letting junkies borrow your car!)
-3- No getting into fights or other legal trouble of something stupid and minor.
-4- No getting into fights or other legal trouble of something stupid and major.
-5- No naked pictures or dirty home movies. I know you’re probably having sex but I don’t want to know about it; you probably get “the runs” on occasion, too, but guess what? I don’t want to see the contents of your toilet bowl on the internet
And finally
-6- No dating ugly women. I don’t care about the chicks I admire, but if you are a male celebrity that also happens to be excruciatingly hot, stop mocking me with your ugly, gold-digging, no-class- having “girlfriend.” Even if she’s another celebrity, if she’s not cute, I’m going to be mad about it. She should be moderately and accessibly pretty, gainfully employed, (not necessarily rich, but she needs to have some kind of regular income coming in) and I don’t want to see pictures of her doing anything vulgar:

~No spitting
~No scratching
~No “digging” (upward or down below)
~No smoking – yeah I said it.

Speaking of ugly women…

I’ve arrived at the conclusion that I’m not as bad as I think. My natural hair journey has offered some interesting stops along the way and I’m discovering some things about myself that are helpful to me in other ways.

One of the biggest things so far is I finally gave in and visited a lingerie specialty shop. After years of looking (in my opinion) like I have something wrapped around or rolled up under my shirt, and months of frustration with brassiere shopping, I found Sunny J’s in Plymouth (MI). The saleswoman was friendly and helpful and didn’t make me feel weird about having my boobs touched by a stranger. She didn’t manhandle me, she checked for fit and comfort and as she promised, she found just the right garment that made me happy.

Now I’ve known for years that I was wearing the wrong size. I was mostly buying what I could find that “sorta” fit. Every chick has done it. And maybe you were measured at a department store that was mostly trying to sell you what was in stock instead of what you needed.

As it turns out I was waaay off, by a few numbers and several letters. But now I have a properly fitting, lovely, and comfortable over the shoulder boulder holder and I couldn’t be happier. It feels like my whole body is a better mood.

“The girls” and I didn’t always get along (they still won’t cooperate with button down shirts), but since this new (albeit expensive) purchase I think we’ve kissed and made up. The hooters have found new life, my clothes look better, and all is right with the world.

So I still don’t really turn heads- wait, that’s not true, people stare at me all the time but I’m sure it’s for some other reason I won’t get into right now- but it’s not about what other people think. Between this and slowly finding hair products that work for my natural hair texture, it feels kind of nice to have my outside start to catch up with my inside as far as feeling good.

If this keeps up, I could even end up catching the eye of some excruciatingly hot male celebrity. I will end it here before something happens to screw up the fantasy. :-)

Best thing I've read this week: Fierce people are always very soft inside,and meek people are always fierce inside!

Songs stuck in my head: Eminem “Beautiful” and the perfect blend of reggae and polka: NERD “Soldier”

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