Wednesday, January 13, 2010

...RheaSucks (And possibly "blows")...

The best news I’ve heard all week is the non-confirmed announcement that N.E.R.D. gave their recently added group member, Rhea, the old heave ho (no pun intended).

Sure it’s unconfirmed, but Rhea had been popping up and performing with the band for months before she was confirmed as a member so we may not know for sure that she’s really gone until the fourth album (tentatively titled “Instant Gratification”) is released to stores and we see only three faces. Still, I can dream, can’t I?

Clearly, the whole thing was doomed from the beginning.

She was around entirely too long before she was formally introduced leaving fans to assume that she was some groupie that hopped on stage to Spaz, and then refused to leave. Or maybe she was Half Baked’s Guy on the Couch: everyone thought someone else had invited her so they politely accepted her presence, but quietly wondered when she was going to go home (and would later suspect her of killing Killer).

When they finally decided to let us in on the poorly kept secret, the answer to the obvious question (“Why?”) left us with another question (“What???”)

So much for the "energy." She seemed confused herself as to why she was there.

And now comes word of the break up. And yes, we the fans rejoice. Good riddance. She never should have been there in the first place. The old intro on “In Search Of” said, “Me, Chad and Shay want to squeeze your ….” Not, “Me, Chad and Shay want to squeeze your… and Rhea wants to ….( I don’t know, watch?)” Not since Diddy picked Aubrey for Danity Kane have we witnessed such poor judgment. And we all know how well that turned out.

As life dictates, Rhea will go out the way she came in: quietly and inexplicably. The rumored reasons range from the standard creative differences (“her sound didn’t match the group.” You think?) to alleged promiscuity. One wonders what that has to do with anything. Unless she was hired with the expectation of bringing certain favors to the party and she showed up empty handed (again, no pun intended.)

The latter is a popular source of debates on the fan-sites and other forums. There’s always some bubble-headed broad that wants to bring up the “double-standard” argument complete with “women should be allowed to be as sexually free as men without being labeled a slut.”

I sort of agree. I think if a women sleeps around, she definitely is a slut. I think if a man sleeps around he definitely is a slut, too. For the (almost) last time, ladies, there is no victory in declaring your equality in being a whore. While you are fighting for your right to get as many sexually transmitted infections as any man, you should be reminded that we still don’t get equal pay for equal work. Please get you priorities in order.

But getting back to Rhea…

This addition was a bad idea for a number of reasons:

  1. The obvious Black Eyed Peas comparisons (Sure the records sales were better but the music quality? Not so much)
  2. No clear added value in putting a girl in the group, especially this very regular sounding (and looking) girl.
  3. The instant failure that generally results from tossing some random and unknown individual into a well established situation. (Kind of like whenever 80s sitcoms would add a new kid to a sinking family show. It didn’t work then, and it won’t work now.)
  4. And finally, the one reason that most of you are probably thinking, Who the hell is Rhea? (Find out)

Whatever the reason for her departure, I’m happy to see her go. I’m sure she’s a very nice person, and God Bless her, but she had to go. Now I can buy the CD rather than do an illegal download because I sure wasn’t going to pay to hear her ruin one of my all time favorite groups. Best news ever since Diddy fired Aubrey from Danity Kane. And I can honestly say that the last time I got this excited about someone leaving, they were being taken away in handcuffs, but that’s a story for another day.

Song that will never have the chance to be stuck in my head:
N.E.R.D. "WTF (Radio)"

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