Tuesday, April 27, 2010

...Sometimes I Just Wonder ~ "Basketball Wives" edition...

Whose dumb idea was it to greenlight this show?

I finally got through a full episode of this show and I think it’s safe to say I won’t be watching it again.

I heard the show was produced by Shaunie O’Neal (Shaq’s ex), so I think I was expecting to see something at least slightly entertaining. Instead all I got from the show was an explanation for why athletes cheat. If I was married to any one of these broads, I would definitely be out getting it everywhere I could get it as long as it wasn’t at home. Why?

Reason #1: Born or made?

Now of course, I think infidelity is wrong. If you love someone enough to commit to them through marriage, then honor your commitment. But I’m guessing none of these dames was quite as annoying before they got down the aisle as evidenced by the little one, Royce. She was a proud hoochie team dancer before the other wives got hold of her. They straightened her hair, put her in expensive old lady clothes, and piled on the make-up. She seemed pleased, but I can’t begin to guess why because she looked better before the makeover, and her new look was apparently paid for with her personality because not an ounce of it was left after everything was said and done.

She definitely needed a lesson in having a little “class,” but at what expense? Losing your natural good looks and personality? And since as best as I can tell she's not very smart, what the heck else is left to lose?

Reason #2: The millionaire and his wife

Probably one of the most annoying qualities about all the wives, aside from sheer evil thinking and boring personalities was whatever the heck they were doing with their mouths. It’s as if they all had their jaws wired shut. Was it just me, or does every chick on that show speak like Thurston Howell, the Third from Gilligan’s Island?

I think they thought they were being elegant and eloquent, but really they just sounded stupid. Plus, they were making my jaw hurt, which made my head hurt and y’all know how I get when my head starts hurting…

Reason #3: “Plastic Surgery”? In Miami? Really?

So now that they’ve adopted Royce into the group, they have to have a new nemesis, and I guess that’s Sandra, or “Plastic Surgery” they call her. Why? Less because she appears to have had work done, and more because they are as uninventive as they are boring. You picked “Plastic Surgery” for a girl that appears to have had plastic surgery? Really? Is that the best you nickname you could come up with? Is it classier than just saying, “that ho”? One of the wives decides to confront Sandra at a party for OchoCinco at his house (except it’s not much of a party, OchoCinco isn’t there, and it’s not even his house- fun times!)

Anyway, the angry wife pulls the old, “Do you know my husband?” routine, complete with “Well I have the ring, so…” final punch. Oh, no! Not the ring! That Sandra better back off lest she face the wrath of the ring.

Tell me, when did they declare wedding rings as kryptonite to so-called groupies? And how come anyone that’s not a wife is considered a “groupie” anyway? Can’t anyone just be a genuine fan? I’m not really that into sports, so I don’t even know who their husbands, almost husbands, and ex-boyfriends are. Are they pursuit worthy?

And while we're talking about it, how come most of these chicks aren’t even really “wives”? I’ll even give you credit for being an “ex-wife” but I could have sworn one girl had “Blah blah’s ex fiancée” under her name. You didn’t even get the ring, but you’re hanging out with the chick that did because…why??

Anyway, the show is just a hot mess from top to bottom, and not even in a good way. Not one of those wives is attractive, interesting, or even slightly likable. I’m glad they’re not embarrassingly bad like the Atlanta Housewives, but surely there’s something in reality television that lives between contrived (Atlanta Housewives) and dull (Basketball Wives).

Can we get that show, please?

Song that pops up in my head at least once a day:

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