-1- College: Save money for 18 years so you still have to take out a loan to waste four years of your life being spoon-fed information that will be completely useless to you for the rest of your days.
And that better job you’re supposed to get with a college degree is more about who you know than what you know.
-2- Doctors: (Not nurses, medical examiners or forensic pathologists). Add the drug company bonus for getting you hooked on certain drugs and the incentives to diagnose (or not diagnose) certain illnesses to their regular salary and you have a nice little bankroll going.
In 12 years, I haven’t found anyone to diagnose the cause of my headaches but I have enough drug samples and cancer screenings to open a small clinic.
-3- Insurance (any kind): You pay hundreds or thousands of dollars a year to make sure you don’t have to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars that you might not have had to spend in the first place.
-4- BP or Bank Executive: I don’t know what these people get paid to do, but they seem to be very well paid for not doing it, barely doing it, or doing a crappy job of it.
-5- “Urban” Clothing Lines: Make giant tees and jeans. Shrink them and call them the “woman’s line.” It doesn’t matter if they fit, people will buy them because of the name.
-6- Taxes: If there is “no taxation with representation” then shouldn’t you be excused from paying taxes if the guy you voted for doesn’t win? Don’t like your representative? No city taxes. Hate the senator? No state taxes. Voted for the other guy for president? No federal taxes.
Voting’s not all that “secret” or “anonymous” anyway, so all you need is a “receipt” at the voting booth.
-7- Mortgages (Brokers): When you are a broker, banks pay you to get people to sign an agreement to send a check to the bank every month for 15 to 30 years. If the person defaults on the loan, you still get to keep your money. And we wonder why so many homes went into foreclosure.
-8- Utility Companies: You mercilessly pay whatever you are billed or else you are forced to live without basic necessities. This is one of those times that the government should definitely be stepping in to regulate things but they’ve been bribed to do otherwise so don’t count on it.
-9- Credit Scores: A faceless agency monitors your spending and finance habits and then uses their findings to blackmail you at a later date. Think about it:
- If you have credit cards but pay the balance off monthly, you may get charged a penalty.
- If you have credit cards but keep a balance on them, you may get charged an exorbitant interest rate.
- If you don’t have credit cards and if you don’t owe anything to anyone anywhere, your credit is unverified and you may get charged more as a credit risk
-10- Cable: Cable used to be a little box just a bit thicker than an Ipod on the back of your TV that you had to slide on and off. Back then cable was three channels: On, It, and HBO. There was always a great commercial- free movie or documentary on and it costs less than $10 a month. Regular TV was free. Now you have to pay $10 for regular TV, and at least 60 bucks for commercial fueled garbage. Two hundred channels of nothing. And commercials that cut into each other. (Charging two different companies for the same timeslot perhaps?)
-11- Internet Service Providers: If they used some of these communication spy towers toward the needs of the people rather than the government, maybe your internet connection would be faster. The technology already exists and is in use, why isn’t the whole nation wireless? And why the hell do the connections seem to be getting slower instead of faster?
-12- Christianity and Other Organized Religions: A list of contradictory rules that can be easily reinterpreted for evil purposes and simultaneously make good people feel bad about themselves.
Reminds me of that old Mad Magazine board game where you could instantly take the top prize with one simple task: Jump up and stay airborne for 37 seconds.
Simple sample over a bouncy beat by the Neptunes, but I swear this song will not leave me alone. It's stuck in my head while I'm trying to go to sleep and immediately starts playing when I wake up. I've only had the CD a week. HELP!
The version that's been stuck in my head is a very pretty piano solo version but I'm not sure who recorded it so I can't find it. But this is a lovely version, too.