Wednesday, November 3, 2010

...I'll Hold My Breath and Wade Through It...

It went from weeks going by, to days, and now it seems like only hours or minutes go by before I slide just a little bit further.

In semi-significant news, I voted.

And as I write this it’s looking like none of my players won. I should have known something was up based on all the people that showed up at my job in blackface for Halloween.We spent eight years being dragged down into the sewer, and now people expected us to climb out in two years.

Never mind that we went from having a perfectly fine economy and budget surplus in 2001 to falling into the gutter and having a budget deficit in the trillions by 2009. Someone's got to hang today, it might as well be that guy.  And if they think they can do a better job and in a shorter time, then I will expect my next paycheck to reflect that.

I signed up for the vote tracker through a couple years back and if you knew what your representatives voted, you would definitely have had your butt at the polls. I also use a lot of sources to do my research before I vote including Some of those candidates were just scary. But they won. How? I voted a little after 1 in the afternoon and I was only number 103. Six hours into election day, and only 103 voters in my precinct. I would ask you how that could possibly be, but if you were too lazy to vote, I doubt you have enough energy to answer my question.

In less-significant news, but still darn important to me, when the numbers come out next week and they say Taylor Swift has the number one record, they will be lying. Or else basing their results on shipped CDs rather than actual sales. I hit seven different stores today looking for the new N*E*R*D, and found nearly nothing. (No, not punny.)

One of the two Target stores I tried- which by the way, both had two very full racks of Taylor Swift but absolutely no buyers for it- didn’t even have NERD with the new releases. After some digging and several salespeople, it turns out they received FOUR copies, none of them deluxe versions. I asked why they had 2000 copies of Taylor, but only four NERD, and was told it was because “country fans don’t like to download, but rap music gets most of its sales from Itunes, or Amazon.” I reminded him that we found the CD in with the pop music, and he said, “Well, same thing.”

So the lesson here is, as much as record companies complain about sluggish sales, it would help them to PUT THE FRIGGIN CD IN THE STORE!!! I can’t buy it, if I can’t find it. Even the chick at FYE claimed that they never got any copies and to check back later. Well, I'm checking now, and I want my dang CD.

My second to last resort was Walmart. So even though NERD did an amazing Sound Check performance with them, they didn’t have their CD in stores either. The lady there said sometimes they just don’t sell music and DVDs in stores now but she didn’t know why. I know why: they’re idiots.

I ended up ordering from my least favorite online store, Amazon. I chose Amazon because they apparently have one bonus song on top of the other four but I’m not sure I ordered the right one. Doesn’t matter. Amazon has never gotten my orders right which is why I stopped using them years ago. But I wanted the CD and if it’s wrong, I’ll just get another one somewhere else. I have at least two copies of all their other stuff, so why should this one be any different.

Finally, on a personal front, I have been really struggling to deal with some pretty severe stuff. It’s like this:

  1. Problem presents
  2. Usual coping techniques are no longer working or otherwise unavailable.
  3. Problem starts to grow, divide and multiply; stress becomes palpable.
  4. Stress reduction techniques are also no longer working or otherwise available.
  5. Problem explodes
  6. And I try to hold it together with less than stellar results.

Sometimes I get so tired of having to sit and look “normal” when I’m feeling any way but. This sucks.

And I’m having difficulty not succumbing to some bad old habits; things I haven’t thought about or done in years. Let's just call it an exploration in phlebotomy and leave it at that. It’s very much like an uncontrollable urge when it hits me. And that makes me feel worse because I’m not (nor have I ever been) a weak, out-of-control person that just gives in to every little whim. Although to be fair, I don’t think I really have many “whims”.  Back then I did it because the process of it was interesting; it was more of a science-type thing. I'm not sure why I'm doing it now.  I know it's not healthy, but it used to be fun to watch it run and crust over. I actually have chills right now. I'm sorry. It's a sickness.


In the end I reckon it’s like everything else: you just keep moving until you move through it. Even if it seems like these days, most days, I’m truly moving through some shit.

Love the original, but Shawn Lee's remake of "No Surprises" is the version stuck in my head right now.

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