Wednesday, March 9, 2011

...(And Another Thing!)

This title is kind of an inside joke. It was common to have long weekends or weeks at a time during the summer when our two closest cousins would stay with us. The four of us could get a little out of control and my mom would have to get on us about cleaning up the place. Sometimes when she would really get going, she would leave the room and keep coming back with something else.

I don’t remember whose idea it was, but at some point, anytime she would come back into the room to add something, someone would say, “and a-nother thing!” (emphasis on the “nother” for some reason.) So even though I just let loose a few random ramblings not long ago, I have a few more goodies floating around in the old noggin mixer, and they're ready to be served.

= Man, What a Loser =

I have the strangest feeling that people wouldn’t be hanging on every word if the content coming from Charlie Sheen was coming from, oh, I don’t know… say, Kanye West. Which I guess works well for Kanye since I’m reasonably sure the only reason people are watching Charlie around the clock is to see if he drops dead in the middle of a sentence. At the rate he’s going, I wouldn’t be surprised. Haha. He might even pop back up and say, “and another thing.”

Part of me thinks that he committed a crime and in anticipation of being caught, he’s trying to build his insanity defense. The other part just doesn’t give a flying fruit nugget.

=Worst Drivers in the World – (semi) Official List =

Women with kids in the car – all that zigzagging around trying to get the juice box out of little Timmy’s backpack from the backseat is going to get us all killed.

Smokers -Because there’s hardly any places for you to smoke anymore, you resort to your car. Focus on the road, not the tobacco.
And stop flipping your butts out the window toward my vehicle. If you don’t want the remnants of your nasty habit what makes you think the rest of us want it? Thank goodness no one has a gas leak.

State Workers- Not even kidding. I share a parking lot with these people, and they all drive like they have a dire need to hit the toilet.
Avoid accidents: go before you leave. (Get it, get it? Come on that’s funny. I just made that up.)

Fitness buffs (in going) They’re not as bad when they come out of the gym, but when they go in? It’s like they give away free money with the steroids.
Don’t worry about the weight, you need to lose the aggression.

Eaters, Drinkers and Yappers – I know you’ve done it a million times and never had an accident. But it’s not because you’re so good and eating, drinking or talking on the phone while you drive, it’s because the rest of us are avoiding you.

= They Were Always With Us All Along =

Much like angels and ghosts, I’m here to tell you aliens were always with us. NASA has evidence of this now, but I’ve had evidence my whole life because my mother is one of them.

She does everything superlatively well. She never tires, hardly eats, or sleeps, never shows any emotion, and doesn’t age. Her face and body have looked exactly the same since the age of 18. And no pictures exist of her before the age of 18. The complete lack of aging is a big sign…

I know it’s a joke, but not really. And it explains a lot, doesn’t it? Supernaturally cute and talented. Mm hmm. I’m on to you, buddy!

Anyway, I think they go to Earthling training and then come here to live among us to study us, but I’m not sure what they’re planning to do with their research. They don't age because of some kind of defect in their human costume. I keep asking my mom and she always gives me the same straight face and says something to the effect of me having always had an overactive imagination. Maybe.

Or maybe I just blew your cover lady!

= I Don’t Get It =

Seriously. Why is this show popular? The tagline for this show should be “Screwing Up Your Favorite Songs Since 2009”

And why do people watch American Idol? Doesn’t every radio station just replay the whole show without the commercials the next day anyway? And why did I just see a commercial for a new “reality” series about Aubrey O’Day? Aren’t there enough talentless whores on TV?

= I Don’t Get This Either =

Some people boycotted a local NAACP dinner honoring Kid Rock because he once showed a confederate flag on a screen in the background during a performance. If those people put that same energy into doing as much for Detroit as Kid Rock has done, it would be a whole different city. Grow up people. The fastest way to lose your credibility is to over assert it.

= I Will Never Like You =

I don’t have a Facebook page. I hate Facebook. It’s a tool of the stupid and a gathering of idiots. If you were really having such a great and active life you’d have no time to update everyone on everything. And the whole status thing? No one cares. Break up with your boyfriend to his face.

People say they use it to keep in touch with family and friends. Use the phone. It’s probably stuck on the side of your head right now anyway. Or write a letter. On paper. Then mail it. This was previously done via pony express, but great news, they’ve upgraded the ponies to motorized vehicles, so the long delay (and funny smell) are officially obsolete.

Further, since I’m not on facebook, that’s not your cue to find someone I know that is on there and harass them for my information. I don’t want to be found. I didn’t like you then, and I’m not going to like you now. Go away.

= You inspired me, Wes Leonard =

This is going to sound a bit bizarre, but please read what I have to say all the way through before you flip out. There’s something that warms my heart and definitely inspires me about Wes Leonard. He’s the 16 year-old- Fennville, MI student that died moments after making the winning shot at his high school basketball game.

Consider this, he completed this magnificent feat to the thrill of teammates, coaches, family and friends that loved and depended on him, and then experienced unadulterated joy and excitement. And then he was gone.

How many last moments in life will be a major accomplishment followed by absolute happiness? Imagine your final thought being “I did it” and your final mood being nothing but positive energy. I’m reminded to spend more time doing the things that I love with people who I care about that also care about me, and to seek more experiences that bring me joy. I don’t have enough of that in my life. Not many of us do. Much love and peace to his family, they raised a wonderful person.

Killer Earworms...
I triple dog dare you to not be in a better mood after you hear this song. (Kenna "Chains")
 ** Let's see if this works since I've tried to publish this already and it magically wouldn't work. I've had an account with YouTube since around 1846 and now it is required that you link your YT account to Google in order to access it. They claim this is to prevent hacking, but I fail to see how linking all of my accounts together protects me. If anything it leaves me more vulnerable. I only have to be hit in one spot to get damage all over.

Google is one of the larger data-mining agencies around aside from Facebook. These people take your information and sell it to anyone without regard to what the buyer will do with it. I have found websites that via Cassie's Facebook, have somehow linked me to her and have published my full name, address, birthday, pictures of my apartment, information about where I work, and similar information about my mom. So you'll pardon me if I'm a little less worried about hacking than I am about privacy, being stalked and/or killed.

As for the Kenna song, I can't find it anywhere but on YT, which of course won't let me access the video. So screw 'em. Join the flight crew, and visit Kenna's website to hear the song. It looks like he's working somewhat independent of a label, so if you choose to buy anything while you'e over there, the money goes to the artist. Awesome!

Cassie mentioned one line from this song, and it's been rooted it my head ever since. (Method Man "Bring the Pain")

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