Wednesday, October 12, 2011

...This is Where It Comes From...

I happened to catch an episode of Basketball Wives the other day.

Someone told me that Tami Roman from the Real World LA had joined the cast and I’ve always found her entertaining and funny, so I tried to remember to watch one night. She wasn’t there, but a bunch of other stanky, skanky, ridiculously embarrassing broads were.

Just from first glance and general appearances this was what one might call, “Basketball Wives, Senior Edition” These chicks are all 59 or older if they’re a day.

And by no means do I mean to offend “seniors.” I come from a family where the women live well into their 80s, 90s, or better and they look good and stay healthy all the way in. I just mean this women are way, way past grown. Plus, that was just my assessment at first glance.

As the show went on, I started to think it was “Basketball Wives, Developmentally Delayed” edition.

If we wonder why young girls bully other girls over dumb stuff, look no further. This episode presented a step by step guide on gang up on a chick for apparently no other reason than you’re stupid and got too much time on your hands.

The episode I caught featured one old broad talking to another old broad about a third chick. They were googling her, basically to find reasons not to like her. They found a police report, feigned concern, and then decided to print it out to take to the other girls in the clique as proof that they shouldn’t like her. They also mention that “she needs her ass beat.”

They meet and decide to ambush her with the police report. Then they all sit around like a bunch of dumb-cluck teenagers smirking at her while she cries hysterically and insist that the report is a fake. Now remember, these are old broads with their own kids doing this to a chick that looks like she’s about ten years old. They claim they’re doing it because of the kids and that they can’t ever see themselves hanging around someone like her.

When it’s over, nothing is resolved, the girl’s upset and the others get to feel better about themselves for obnoxious witches picking on the itty bitty kid who never saw it coming.

So what have we learned, children?

  1. They still need to actually get some “wives” on this show. There’s one, maybe two, and the rest were almost wives and gum receptacles (And no, I didn’t mean “gum,” but what word rhymes with gum? Mm hmm)
  2. Bullying seems to be the direct result of knowing how useless you are as a human being in addition to having too much time on your hands.
  3. My mom tells me they pick on that one chick all the time and she can’t figure out why the girl keeps hanging out with them. The lesson here is: if you aren’t under contract to VH1 to spend time with some chicks you don’t like, that don’t like you, then don’t bother. You don’t need to fit in with them or anyone else.
  4. Money can’t buy brains, class, a pretty face, a nice body, or a great personality. Or maybe these chicks are/were involved with the most financially bankrupt players in the NBA. They gave a whole new meaning to broke down.
  5. Age does not make you wise. Sometimes it just makes you an old fool.
What’s interesting was that the issue in question was that the girl had allegedly left her kid home alone with no food, with pets running wild and poop everywhere in order to go strip. (Which, seriously, what tells you a girl feels that she has limited life options more than stripping does?)

These dames all boo-hooed, shook their heads and frowned up their faces going on and on about how much their kids meant to them and how they would never do that. I guess they would rather just have kids out of wedlock. Or multiple kids by multiple men. Or be some dude’s chick on the side. That’s what so funny about turning your nose up at something someone else is doing. Someone is probably turning their nose up at you and the stuff you do that you think is so wonderful.

And why do so many females think just because they have kids then they must be a good mother?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if you took a survey of wife-beaters, child abusers, serial killers, thieves, and junkies, I bet most all of them will say they had a mother at one point. You might think that you’re doing a bang up job, but there’s nothing quite like tell-all book or a prison sentence to disprove that theory, eh gals?

And we can guess these chicks on the show aren’t the best mothers around since they’re acting like teenagers with no parental supervision or no prior home training. That’s a fine example to set. Am I being judgemental? No more than they were.

It didn’t appear as if the intention was to confront the girl to get her side of the story, but more like a team effort at the old “humiliate someone else to make yourself feel superior” routine. Too bad they just made themselves look ridiculous.

By the time the episode is over, we still don’t find out for sure who’s telling the truth, but it’s hard not to lean toward the side of the poor girl who thought she was just showing up to dinner with “friends.” For all we know, she could have gone out, left the kid with the most trustworthy, reliable, loving, and closest member of her family for a couple of hours. And that person could have got the kid drunk or high, had sex with them, and put them to bed without her ever knowing.  My point there is that sometimes even your best efforts as a parent don’t pan out well.

I’d like to believe that most (not all, but most) parents try to do the best they can. Sometimes they make mistakes either because they don’t know any better, or there’s an unanticipated event, or maybe they just got lazy or loose once at the worse possible moment.  Heck, don’t ask me, I can’t call it, I'm just saying...

Under the circumstances, I have a hard time considering that the story could be true, and it could very well be true, but since the other females chose to broach the matter in the manner they did, I found myself too distracted by them to see whatever it was they felt was so important to show me.

All I saw was some wildly immature old skanks actively plotting and implementing an overwhelmingly bad idea for the sake of upsetting, hurting, and humiliating another person. Why? I’m not sure why. But usually when kids do it, it’s because they feel insecure and inadequate and don’t know another way to prove to people that they are special. Sadly, this type of behavior really means that you’re nothing special at all. You might even be less than nothing. And worse than anything that comes after that.

On the bright side, 'ladies," all your hard work to make someone look stupid and leave people feeling disgusted with their behavior wasn’t for nothing.

You definitely looked stupid. And I’m definitely disgusted with the behavior.

Cypress Hill – Insane in the Membrane


Warren G – Do You See (making great use of Gil Scott Heron)


A quick, side, semi-related earworm note…
I’ve had the Cypress Hill song stuck in my head for a minute now, but coincidentally as I was editing this post I was reminded of this other Cypress Hill song.

It’s about a quarter to one AM and someone just knocked on my door then proceeded to repeatedly twist the knob and try to push the door open. I’m not sure why I didn’t immediately grab the phone and dial 9-1-1, but I suppose that’s the blood of my mother running through my veins.

Instead I armed myself and went to the door and stared through the peephole where I saw some young twenty-something kid was out there staring back intently. I never said a word and he never said a word. He looked like he was staring back into the peephole at me then he stared at the doorknob like he was thinking about it. This standoff went on for maybe a minute or two, but I’m glad for him that he finally decided to walk away.

I’m glad because many, many years ago when I was a baby someone tried to break in our house late one night. It was just me, my sister and my mom because my dad had been moved to the nightshift. The visitor decided to try a window when he couldn’t get in the front door. Unfortunately for him my mom was waiting on him. With one of my dad’s guns.

Let’s just say he didn’t leave by squad car but by ambulance. So applause to the door guy who didn’t learn the hard way about a long standing family tradition…
(Cypress Hill – How I Could Just Kill a Man)

Cypress Hill-How I Could Just Kill a Man by rmcbaltimore

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