Saturday, January 30, 2010

...I'm An Excellent Driver...

Remember Vince and Larry, the crash test dummies?


For the record, real crash test dummies don't look nearly that friendly. Despite being mostly beige in color, they managed to have a more human presentation to them. They come in both genders, all ages, and various sizes, and the first time I ever saw one in person, it scared the skittles out of me.

My dad crashed cars for a living. And no, he didn't hop behind the wheel and drive into walls. His job was to set up and conduct crash tests and prepare documents for review. I saw a real dummy one day when he took me to work when I was a kid.

I remember being surprised at how it didn't take much to make a regular situation bad, and a bad situation worse. A slick surface, or a wind gust could make a suddenly braking car do some poetic but awful things. Add in all the distractions drivers amuse themselves with and you have bumper cars outside of the corral.

If I had a penny for every driver I saw do something stupid while they had a phone attached to their head, cord dangling near their mouth, or bluetooth stuck in their ear, I could have quit my job years ago. (Eating drivers make me crazy, too, but they're a whole other animal.)

My friends and family like to joke about how I will actually pull over to make a call if I need to. And if you call me while my car is in motion, I won't answer. Everyone says that they can't live without their phone, but how many unnecessary and inappropriate conversations have you overheard  in a store? If they won't hang up long enough to pick up a half gallon of milk, they probably won't hang up to switch lanes on the freeway. Everyone's talking but no one's saying anything.

I heard a girl in a beauty supply store the other day describe her date's genital region in detail. And then describe what they did that night. So not only is she loud, rude, class-less and running up her phone bill, from what I heard, she should probably go see a doctor. (Ladies, if you see ANYTHING green on a man, don't touch it! And certainly, don't let it touch you!)

Saturday, January 23, 2010

...I Like to Keep it Simple...

As kids, our parents gave us three basic principles to live by when we were growing up:

  1. Don't hate.
  2. Don't be lazy.
  3. Don't be an idiot.
And it's that simple. Easy to remember, easy to follow, and can be liberally applied as necessary to almost any situation and in any combination.


Don’t hate.

This is pretty cut and dry. You could never say you “hated” something, or more importantly, that you hated someone. You could “strongly dislike” stuff all you want, but to “hate” something was just wrong. And stupid, since hatred involves a great deal of investment on your part and why would you put time and energy into something you claim to detest so greatly? No, hating just makes you look bad.

Friday, January 15, 2010

...Every Little Bit Helps...

In less than a week, the text message campaign has been able to raise $5 Million toward assistance in Haiti following the 7.0 earthquake on Tuesday.

Small gestures can accomplish mighty things.

If you are able, please help:

Stay Informed:

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

...RheaSucks (And possibly "blows")...

The best news I’ve heard all week is the non-confirmed announcement that N.E.R.D. gave their recently added group member, Rhea, the old heave ho (no pun intended).

Sure it’s unconfirmed, but Rhea had been popping up and performing with the band for months before she was confirmed as a member so we may not know for sure that she’s really gone until the fourth album (tentatively titled “Instant Gratification”) is released to stores and we see only three faces. Still, I can dream, can’t I?

Clearly, the whole thing was doomed from the beginning.

She was around entirely too long before she was formally introduced leaving fans to assume that she was some groupie that hopped on stage to Spaz, and then refused to leave. Or maybe she was Half Baked’s Guy on the Couch: everyone thought someone else had invited her so they politely accepted her presence, but quietly wondered when she was going to go home (and would later suspect her of killing Killer).

When they finally decided to let us in on the poorly kept secret, the answer to the obvious question (“Why?”) left us with another question (“What???”)


Friday, January 8, 2010

...There are No Reasons Why ~ Sometimes I Just Wonder...

The secret to Diddy’s success? “ Him have two heads” (Funny, I only remember the line, but I can’t remember the movie title)





That has got to be one of the best wax figures ever produced for Madame Tussaud.


Speaking of twins, ever notice…




Don’t try to act like it was just me. I’m reasonably sure they were separated at birth. Could this be the mother?