Wednesday, July 17, 2013

...I Think I'm Done Here...

"I must bid adieu. For now I begin an adventure anew" (art by Andy Wilhite)
I have this thing apparently known as “Exploding head syndrome.”

Figures. Sounds just like something I would have.

Prior to that people tried to dismiss it as popping ears.  Let me tell you, it most certainly is not a pop, but a bang.
Like a cannon. Deep inside your head.
You wake up thinking your brain exploded but of course if it had, you couldn’t possibly wake up to be annoyed about it, right?

After a particularly large bang one night, I was too sleepy and incoherent to fully wake up, but too awake to get any real sleep.

And a number of conversations came together in my head as if it was always one solid message for me:

Put one down so you can pick up the other.

A friend of mine who reads most of these posts before I publish them here asked to see my fiction once. Then he asked for more. Then he pressed me about not giving more attention to the effort of getting it published. Then went on and on about priorities and values and blah, blah, blah…

But in between what felt a little bit like a lecture from my dad I did hear something that really made sense to me:

You can do what you like or love to do if you are willing to give up what you don’t need is what I heard.

And more directly, “every moment here is a moment taken away from there.”

I have loved it here. A couple of years ago when things started to turn really sour for me, being here was a lot like doing all the shouting I wasn’t allowed to do in real life. Everything that was good in my life faded away at the same time everything bad decided to show up. Stuff I didn’t even know that I hated reared its ugly head.

It was too much at once. I understand now that I was really hurting.

I didn’t even realize what it was doing to me until a co-worker put her arm around me and asked me, “How’re you doing these days? Things all straightened out over there yet?”

The answers were “I’m not sure, but maybe not so good.” And “Nope.”

I had been working in a field that I might not have otherwise gone into but loved anyway because of the opportunities there. Those opportunities aren’t what they used to be, and even though the whole new team I’ve been working with is a perfectly good team, I could feel something growing between me and them until we were too far away to even miss each other.

It was great for what it was, back when it was, but then it wasn’t as much, so I guess neither was I for a while.

My co-worker gave me something else to think about:

Take responsibility for your intelligence. This job never gave you much of a challenge, and now even less so. Always go where you will grow.

Anyway, to my horror, I found that it’s true that who you know is as important if not more important than what you know. A friend sends me a link to a place I’ve never heard of, and well, I start my new gig in a few weeks.

I get to mix my love of research with my love of writing. The pay is better, and it’s closer to my family. I mean, the ones I actually like and don’t mind being closer to.

So as I prepare to move, I think I need to leave some things behind and pack light for this next phase in my life’s journey.

This post, my 400th if you can believe it, is my last.

I feel good about it. This is me putting one thing down so I can pick up the other.

Thanks to everyone who ever dropped by once or twice and thanks to the throngs of screaming fans that hung out on a regular basis. All seven of you.

The Awesome Inspiration blog will still be rolling along for a while. I stuff in most of the posts months in advance, but when it’s possible, should the mood strikes me, maybe I’ll move some things  around to give you the random Earworm posts. Those things don’t go away, you know.

I hope you were amused, or inspired,  or touched,  or if need be, distracted during your time here.

I hope I had a positive impact on someone somewhere .

I hope everyone I ever made fun of isn’t waiting for me in the bushes later.

I better get out of here before the multitude of changes with the new job, new home, new directions and new opportunities hit me, and I forget to be happy about it all.

It’s always nice to depart with a smile.

With much love, with all my heart, thanks for being here. … And never forget you are loved.

Most appropriate earworms ever...

It's kind of a trick...
Clap if you're happy, but you can't not clap to this, and the clapping makes you happy.
 Pharrell - Happy

I couldn't find a video for this, so I tried to make one (also posted on vimeo if this one doesn't show up for you).
How do you not love something that asks, "Where does this door go?"  -can't wait to find out.

Mayer Hawthorne - Stars are Ours



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