Tuesday, April 27, 2010

...Sometimes I Just Wonder ~ "Basketball Wives" edition...

Whose dumb idea was it to greenlight this show?

I finally got through a full episode of this show and I think it’s safe to say I won’t be watching it again.

I heard the show was produced by Shaunie O’Neal (Shaq’s ex), so I think I was expecting to see something at least slightly entertaining. Instead all I got from the show was an explanation for why athletes cheat. If I was married to any one of these broads, I would definitely be out getting it everywhere I could get it as long as it wasn’t at home. Why?

Reason #1: Born or made?

Now of course, I think infidelity is wrong. If you love someone enough to commit to them through marriage, then honor your commitment. But I’m guessing none of these dames was quite as annoying before they got down the aisle as evidenced by the little one, Royce. She was a proud hoochie team dancer before the other wives got hold of her. They straightened her hair, put her in expensive old lady clothes, and piled on the make-up. She seemed pleased, but I can’t begin to guess why because she looked better before the makeover, and her new look was apparently paid for with her personality because not an ounce of it was left after everything was said and done.

She definitely needed a lesson in having a little “class,” but at what expense? Losing your natural good looks and personality? And since as best as I can tell she's not very smart, what the heck else is left to lose?

Reason #2: The millionaire and his wife

Probably one of the most annoying qualities about all the wives, aside from sheer evil thinking and boring personalities was whatever the heck they were doing with their mouths. It’s as if they all had their jaws wired shut. Was it just me, or does every chick on that show speak like Thurston Howell, the Third from Gilligan’s Island?

I think they thought they were being elegant and eloquent, but really they just sounded stupid. Plus, they were making my jaw hurt, which made my head hurt and y’all know how I get when my head starts hurting…

Reason #3: “Plastic Surgery”? In Miami? Really?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

...You Is a Graduate! Now Go Get a Job...

Or, "Why They're Not Calling You Back for the Job"

If you are looking for work these days, especially if you are a recent college grad, or current student looking for an internship, I thought you might find it helpful to hear some tips from the Human Resources perspective.

About half of all job applications and all of the intern applications pass through my hands, and the mistakes are remarkably similar. I’m targeting college students with this because we are always looking for interns at my job and we get quite a few applications and inquiries, but only a small percentage get in. And since a decent portion of those interns end up being hired full time, it would be to your advantage to take these tips into account.

Use the website.
I know there are applicants with less computer experience than others, but life’s not fair: learn and adapt.
  • Our website actually has a page called “how to get your application thrown out” We can always tell which people skipped this page when we see the application. Read everything on the page and make sure you understand what is expected of you. And then follow the instructions exactly as they are given, or else prepare to face the consequences. If we say “don’t write ‘see resume’ on the application” we mean it. And as soon as we see the words “see resume” we’re clicking off your information and it’s on to the next one.
  • Plus, by visiting the website you can get an idea of if the company is a place you really want to be. Our clientele is pretty specific so if you aren’t comfortable working with certain types of people, then apply elsewhere.

Proofread Your Resume and Other Materials
The resume doesn’t have to be perfect, but it should look like you put some effort into it.

  • Don’t copy and paste or retype anything directly from a sample resume- we know scripted language when we see it.
  • Don’t embellish –we know a lie when we see it. One resume gave the person so many years of experience they would have to have started working at the age of 6; we catch the less obvious stuff, too.
  • Don’t rely on spell-check. Part of our agency’s name turns into a dirty word if you misspell it by one letter (that happens to be near it on the keyboard). We discovered the hard way that the average computer’s spell check will not catch this word. It had been on one page of the website for months before anyone caught it and said anything. With an average of 1400 unique visitors per month to the page, a lot of eyes passed over the dirty word. Maybe they didn’t notice, but even if only half of them did notice, that’s a lot of people that either got a nice chuckle, or ran far, far away after seeing our services.

Get a real email address

If your name is Judy Jetson, try JudyJetson@yahoo[dot]com or JJetson100@aol[dot]com, but for the love of all things good, please do not use your school nickname on a job application. BigBootyJudy@partycollege[dot] com or BigThickCountryChick@msn[dot]com will get your resume handed around for all the wrong reasons.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

...This Made My Day Today...

Seven-month old Mona was not only adopted, but another family interested in her, but second in line, ending up adopting two other puppies. So not only does she bring smiles, she saved a few (dog) lives.

Friday, April 9, 2010

…These companies need to fold…

I wouldn’t wish unemployment on anyone but frankly some places don’t deserve our business. We work too hard for our money to blow it on poor quality goods, incompetent customer service, and all the other devices of retail rubbish.

Dots, Deb, and Victoria Secret

Over-priced, cheaply made clothes that don’t fit any one larger than 104 pounds and always have loose threads hanging off of them. (Whatever you do, don’t pull that thread!)

It’s no secret to my friends that I especially hate Victoria’s Secret. I’m still not clear on how you’re specialty can be underwear, but your bras seemed to be made for women with implants or other chicks that don’t really need bras. Surely you would be one of the few stores to be aware that women come in different sizes. Sometimes a small body needs a large cup and a little lift. And what’s with charging me to ship back a return when I should be able to just run right over to the store and return it? I already paid ten bucks to get it, now you want me to pay ten more to send it back because you don’t know that a large is a 12/14 and not a 5/6? The last thing I bought there was a keyring, and it wasn’t even the right size!

Sally’s Beauty Supply

I have yet to walk into a Sally’s Beauty Supply and not see several workers in a cluster having a conversation about nothing. And if it happens to be about something, it’s usually about how much they can’t stand the customers. And I’m guessing they do this proudly and loudly because there’s almost never anyone in there shopping. At the most I’ve seen maybe 3 customers in the place, but usually I’m all there is. And as soon as I find a place to buy cheaper applicator bottles, they will never see my face again. And are they required to hire one morbidly obese person that sits on a step stool/chair in the middle of aisle and pretend to stock the shelves? I’m not picking on fat people, I’m picking on lazy people that sit when they don’t need to and pretend to be working. Speaking of which…

Saturday, April 3, 2010

..."Art" Ain't What it Used to Be...

So the "big" news this week is the Erykah Badu video for "Window Seat"
 "They who play it safe, are quick to assassinate what they don't understand," she speaks, off camera. "They move in packs, ingesting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another. They feel more comfortable in groups, less guilt to swallow. They are us. This is what we have become, afraid to respect the individual."
 "I expected the gossip blog sites to spin it negatively," Badu tweeted. "I expected people to ride with me. ... So it is true. Being honest CAN get u assassinated. Your character, spirit,& sometimes physically. Interesting. What drives this? Keep dialoging."

Okay, I will:
  1. I am all for beautiful art. I love art. I collect art. This is not art.  It's not even innovative. Frankly, it's garbage.
  2. Erykah Baud says this video was "inspired by Matt and Kim"-   Two no talent hacks in dire need of attention trying to sell crap records. We can see how well that worked out. Et tu, Ms.Badu?
  3. If this is an attempt to be honest, why not just do a video that says, "My album is going to suck, so I'm distracting you with this video. Discuss." 
  4. Don't insult my intelligence by suggesting that I don't get it or "understand" your message. The fact that you have to do a voiceover to explain it, says that the visual didn't communicate it properly to begin with.  So the message is really what? You wanted an excuse to show your butt, and now you're naked in the middle of the street.