A friend of mine recently asked me why I insist that I will never get married. It occurred to me that my reasons all fell into one of three, possibly four slightly interdependent categories:
1) Not looking
2) Not finding
3) Common sense
I’m not looking for anyone primarily because I don’t believe you can look for a person.
You look for lost keys, or new shoes, the right outfit, the perfect hair conditioner, or any number of things. But you don’t look for people just for the sake of finding them. Unless they’ve been officially declared missing, then why would I just be out on the hunt for someone I don’t know and may never meet? I just don’t see the logic in it. Not finding
In the meantime I’ve been known to occasionally cross paths with a guy that on first glance I might find remarkable within the frame of the environment. After a few interesting conversations by email or phone, I may or may not decide to pursue it further. And if I do end up on date, there’s no promise of a second date. Part of this is because I just don’t really enjoy dating.
It’s like bad dinner theater.
Two people pretending to be all the types of normal they think the other person wants them to be. I despise this so much, I generally don’t bother with the pretending, and frankly, that doesn’t go over very well with guys. I can’t just sit, nod politely and bat my eyelashes. I think that’s a real skill and I just don’t have it in me. It’s like sex appeal: some people got it, and some don’t.
I ain't got it.
And some might think they can dress something up or disguise something down enough to make you think it’s there, but if it’s not, it’s just not. If it feels right, I do it. And if it doesn’t, why bother? I understand that the tradition is to ignore any early yellow or red flags and concentrate on what’s “wonderful” about the person, but I happen to think it’s stupid (not to mention unsafe) tradition.
I’m upfront about what I think I would like to have: