Wednesday, June 23, 2010

...I Hope You Get Everything That You Deserve...

I was walking toward one of those self-checkout thingies at the grocery store when I saw a $5 bill sitting in the cash out tray. I looked toward the exit to see if I could tell who might have just walked away then I looked around for other possible witnesses before I flagged down the little lady that works at the monitoring station.

In the amount of time it took me to put my arm up and signal her, I saw a teen or pre-teen boy at the next machine reach his hand into the tray and snatch the money. I heard him say, “Ooh, that lady lost her $5.”

“She didn’t lose it, you stole it,” I thought. The store employee came over and I announced loudly, “well there was $5 in this tray but I’m pretty sure I just saw this kid pick it up and shove it in his pocket. He kept his back to us.

“really?” she said. “That’s morals for ya.” And we both stared at him with our arms folded waiting for him to reply. He did. He grabbed the cart of the elderly woman he was with and strolled out the door as if we were talking about some other moral-less kid.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

(Happy Father's Day!)

I searched high and low for my favorite Father's Day cartoon featuring Junyer Bear's salute to his cranky dad, but alas it would see that Warner's or whoever the parent company is these days, has managed to find a way to ensure no one will ever delight in this wonderfully funny cartoon for free...ever.

Well forget them!

Here are a couple other nice goodies I found to mark the occassion.

Happy Father's Day to Good Dads Everywhere!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

...Fans Belong in the Front Row...

What's wrong with this picture?

I’ll give you a hint.

When I was four and my sister was ten, my mom took us to the Michigan State Fair. We went every year, but this year in particular stands out in my mind for one reason in particular: Smokey Robinson.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

(Good Lord!!)

I can't imagine what would have caused a professionally trained police officer to do this in full view of several people recording his actions.

Seems like the only fair thing to do is to ask a proportinately larger man to return the punch. Voila! Justice.

WARNING: Sensitive Material

Sunday, June 13, 2010

...One is Cool; the Other, Not so Much...

I have always loved this video (Diddy and 'em - Show Me Your Soul). Especially the scenes in the suits. It makes me feel like I opened a box of assorted chocolates and indiscriminately licked them all from one end to the other. Mmm. Chocolate.

Show Me Your Soul
- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Now I like this song a lot (Drake - Find Your Love) and I dig the Michael Jackson vibe but the ending drives me nuts.

I mean this chick, my goodness. Fortunately she has the nice bum because from the  neck up, it's a wreck up (yes, the face needs work) and she certainly doesn't come across as the nicest person in the world. She could at least have come to the window and told him to run or something. So not only does she stand in the window (is she washing dishes?) knowing those old looking Jamaicans are coming to kill him, but then she takes the gun and … hmmm.

Maybe she shot the boyfriend instead???

Thursday, June 10, 2010

...Why? WHY? WHYYYYY?!?!...

To many of you, this is only a bad picture of a rundown purple building taken from a weird angle inside my car from across the street. (It's a bad neighborhood- I wasn't getting out of the car.)

But to so many of us it’s a photo of a tragedy: Velvet Touch apparently closed its filthy (and probably sticky) doors for the last time earlier this month.

Why is this a tragedy? Imagine stepping into a Lover’s Lane store and finding it devoid of neon lights, bad music, and annoying gum-chewing salespeople. (I mean, really, is it a job requirement to chew gum there?) With its bare walls, minimal lighting and one dollar browsing fee, Velvet Touch offered every item Lover’s Lane offered for a fraction of the price. If the Lane charged eighty bucks for it, you better believe you could buy the exact same thing at the Touch for $15 or less. And in more colors and sizes.

Velvet Touch also offered books, videos, edible bedroom goods, games and er, other, uh toys. Plus, as an added bonus for male customers, they had video booths in the back. You sure didn’t see those at Lover’s Lane. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure where you would go to see those things.

It’s been years since I’ve been a customer but back when I was attending college in the area, my trips were fairly frequent. Someday my then-boyfriend will read this and smile in confirmation. And considering how much I spent there on wedding gifts, there are probably some other smiling men out there reading this, too. Now it’s just another empty building and sign of a sagging economy on my commute to work.

It sounds silly, but the lost of Velvet Touch isn’t just about the closing of one of the best porn and lingerie shops around, it’s about losing a community landmark and a business that understood its customers and provided a great service at great price.

Fare thee well, Velvet Touch…. We knew ye perhaps a bit too well…

In other “Why?! WHY??!?! WHYYYYY?!?!” news

Sunday, June 6, 2010

... All These Years Later, This is Still Funny...

(Sometimes I really miss BET's Comic View)

update: Yes, I know this isn't Comic View, but it was Comic View until that video was deleted. I still miss Comic View. And this is still funny.

And this is way funnier than it should be...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

...Chris Rock was Right...

Nobody goes to Hooters for wings!!

And surely Cassie Smith must have known that when she applied for and accepted a job with the restaurant.

She says at 5’8” and 132 pounds, she was approached by management and offered a free gym membership and threatened with the loss of her job if she didn’t comply. She’s claiming size discrimination, and she thinks she has a case.

I beg to differ for a few reasons.

She might be a skinny stick figure in “real life” but in a Hooters uniform she should skip the wings and stick to the celery.

Hooters doesn’t even hire “servers” or “waitstaff.” They call them “entertainers” which makes a nice little loophole for requiring them to maintain a certain look. It doesn’t mean “big girls” can’t be cute in tiny orange hot pants (which let’s be for real, they CAN’T), but it does mean if you wish to maintain employment, you must meet the standard requirements. We all have requirements at our jobs to meet and we would be fired for failure to do so. If your job requires you to sell a million dollars in product yearly, work hard or call a very rich uncle (Vanessa and Angela Simmons style!) If your job requires you to look like a ballerina, strap on some toe shoes and hit those pirouettes.

Breasts, legs, thighs…and wings?

The first time I visited a Hooters restaurant, I was actually casing the joint. I was looking for work and thought since I had a pretty decent rack myself that I could make some nice tips there. I ordered the wings and casually looked around while I waited. A few things I noticed: