- the Sardine
- the Toilet Bowl
- the Prize-fighting Dentist
The other part of the reason is just bad, bad, horrible, awful experiences that pretty much left me turned off of kissing, possibly forever.
The first guy to ruin kissing for me was the Sardine. He snuck up behind me, yanked my head back using a fist full of my hair, and shoved something that felt like a stiff and angry sardine into my mouth. Turns out it was his tongue. I couldn’t even kiss him back because I was too busy trying not to gag. In the middle of this assault, I noticed two of his friends watching which pissed me off. I gave him an elbow to the throat and ran off.
He later confessed that his friends told him to kiss me to prove I was really his girlfriend. He had the nerve to tell me that I was a bad kisser. We broke up shortly thereafter.
I really liked the second guy so despite our horrific first attempt at kissing I foolishly kept trying. I just assumed that when I said, “kiss me” he thought I said, “wash my face with your tongue.”
Just writing this is making my face feel itchy and disgusting.