Wednesday, April 27, 2011

...I'm Not Sure I'm Doing this Right...

Nerd that I am, I used to regularly check the blogger home page to visit the blog of note and then just keep hitting the “next blog” button until I run into a page that doesn’t have one. I enjoy reading other people’s blogs. Most of the time.

Still it’s hard not to notice a definite pattern. So much so that I find myself wondering if I completely have the wrong idea about how this thing is supposed to work. And since I’m still somewhat in limbo about what I plan to do with this blog, I thought I’d try my run through review system again.

If I were to decide to jump on board –and I most certainly will not- here’s what it seems I would have to do to “catch up” to all the other blogs.

The first thing I noticed is that I need more pictures. Way, way more pictures…

…Of my own feet.

…Of my drunk, high, half asleep, or just plain bored looking friends in the club pretending to be having a fabulous time

…Of food. And I’m not complaining about this one not one bit. Although I do find it annoying if the person claims to have baked it but doesn’t include the recipe.

I should overload the pages with pictures of my ugly, big- head kids with food and juice stains all over their faces, or carrying flowers or standing diaper-less in the middle of something gross. You know, I actually passed a blog where a lady dresses up her sleeping baby and poses fabric and crafts around her to make it look like a picture from a fairy tale. She does this daily. Way to kill that “busy mom” stereotype, lady. Her pictures will probably become a book and make her famous.

Outdoor pictures are a plus because then I could do the shadow/silhouette thing, and let my blonde hair blow in the wind, illuminated by the sun for that angelic touch. Because I guess only blondes can look angelic.

…Stick figure drawings to illustrate the most mundane things

me, being mundane

Me, after a shampoo without conditioner

Me, if stick figures weren't so inaccurate and stick-like

…Grandparents doing embarrassing things. My grandparents are all gone now. My grandfathers both passed before I was born and my grandmothers passed away 14 and 15 years ago. More than anything, I wish I had just talked to them more and got to know them better. Remember that the next time you get ready to post a video of your grandpa getting his dentures stuck in his corn on the cob.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

...We Are So Very Tiny...

...And the universe is so very large.

It’s funny how you find things. I was investigating the story about the life sized- proportioned Barbie (check out my findings here) when I fell onto this so very, very cool video about the Milky Way.

This video is the creation of Terje Sorgjerd using time lapse photography captured between April 4 and April 11, 2011 from atop El Teide, Spain's highest mountain.

It’s hard to believe these images are even real, but assuming they are I wish I could move to this mountaintop. I probably wouldn’t last a week, but as best as I can tell, I’d be happy if I only lasted a few days.

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

... I Can't Talk Right Now...

Some years ago when I was a young traveler, I met Sean “Diddy” Combs outside of his New York studio.

A light colored vehicle pulled up a few feet from where I was conversing with one of the building security guards near the curb. I was a little nervous to be meeting one of my idols, but I felt prepared. All four doors opened, and a guy got out on each side. The front passenger caught my eye, and since I wasn’t so shy back then I decided I was going to get his number after I spoke to Mr. Combs about a business deal. He had announced he was looking for writers for a film and TV project he was working on and I was looking to get hired. Yes, I was that bold back then.

I studied the two guys that were in the backseat before I started to scan the four of them again. It took me a minute to realize that Diddy was the cute one I had been eye-balling earlier. I never gave his looks a second thought before, so I thought sure I had pegged the wrong guy. I subtly eased myself into different positions on the street to get a good look and make sure it was him. At one point he was standing directly under a streetlight talking to someone, and I still thought he was too cute for me to call it, but then he moved into the well lit lobby and there was no mistaking the features. It was definitely him, and he was definitely very, very good looking.

The security guy made good on an earlier agreement to let him know I had been there all night hoping to speak to him. I saw Diddy nod and then walk away, after a minute he came back into view, through the glass doors, walked right over to me and smiled. “What’s up? You wanted to speak to me?” He smelled like the perfect combination of chocolate and cinnamon.

Now, you should know that when a person feels faint any rehearsed speech they might have prepared goes right out of the mind’s window. The only thing left in my head, crammed into my cheeks and hanging on to the tip of my tongue at that moment was, “Damn, you’re hot! Damn, you’re hot! Damn, you’re hot!” And it was going in a loop like that, too.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

...This Cheered Me Up...

I've heard that the process to "domesticate" a Slow Loris can be painful and shorten their lifespan, so I should say that I don't agree with the ownership of these things as pets.

But with that said, doesn't this one look so very happy? Can you blame him? Who doesn't love a good massage?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

...It's as if They want Us to Revolt...

Is it me, or has there been a big surge in big business and political activity that appears hell bent on doing the old “No Vaseline” on the people?

And maybe it’s not really a surge, but maybe the same methods and tactics developed and use to “help” us are really destroying us and are now exposing us to the level of destruction at a faster rate.

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder “revised some sections of his budget plan. The new plan kind of puts the robbing of retired seniors in our state on a stretched timeline before they get are fully victimize.  I don’t remember the last time I saw a plan so hardcore on beating up the people who have worked hard their whole lives to provide for their families and never accept a handout from anyone. It’s almost to your advantage to NOT work hard, and not earn any money, and not be able to support yourself with those earnings.

It’s easy for Snyder to say he’ll only accept $1 for his salary since he’s obviously making tons of money under the table sucking up to and cuddling with businesses under the guise of “it will bring employment back to the state.” You’d have to pay a person much better than most of us are getting paid to think just because a store opens, I will shop there.

I will not.

I have a friend with a farm. Three more friends with vegetable gardens. I can sew my own clothes, and books and music can be checked out for free at the library based on the taxes I’m already paying. I will never set foot in another retail store again if I choose to and I’m leaning that way. And as soon as I figure out how to erect a windmill and add a solar panel at my apartment complex, I’m cutting the utilities loose, too.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

...I Can't Believe it was the Dog!...

I expected to see a guilty looking cat, but I guess I was wrong. I bet Denver was framed.
And bless Macy for not implicating her friend.

And why does the owner sound like Woody Harrelson?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

...It Gets Better...

It’s no secret at this point that I have had my dealings with depression.

I have been quietly sad, just past miserable, and more times than I should admit to, completely suicidal.

It comes in many forms and various intensities at intervals that can be random or like clockwork. Sometimes it scurries by like a squirrel on a wire, and sometimes it looms like lazy bonobo hanging from your shoulders.

The first time I realized that there was something about myself that I didn’t like or that wasn’t quite right, I was about four or five. I was in school and for no reason at all I felt overwhelmed with sadness and hatred. I think I hated myself for being sad for no reason, but I’m not sure.
It would be another few years before I would figure out that I could be so overcome with these feelings that the next train of thought would put me under the train.

I know how paralyzing depression can be, but I’m still here, leaping about.

As I grow and learn, I find more and more in fact, that I’ve become rather an expert at it.
Depression is a high art for the finely skilled, and I am gifted.

So if you feel like you’re at the lowest of your lows and you’re on the verge of making a very final decision, please read this unofficial guide to Suicide before you proceed. I’m sure you’ll find this list of “do’s and don’t’s helpful.

There’s rules to this game…and we will not be the losers.

DO feel depressed. This seems obvious, but what I mean is, it is okay to feel sad. Even to feel really, really “I-will-never-be-happy-again” sad. I think society still tries to teach us that negative emotions are bad, and we should never have them and if we do have them, we should be medicated to cover them up. But if something sucks, it’s okay to feel bummed about it. If someone tells you to “cheer up,” or “it could be worse” or “you’re too blessed to be stressed” feel free to tell them to shut the hell up. Then give them the finger. (Consider it yoga for your hands- - and exercise is good for depression)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

...I'd vote "Stewie for Governor"...

Hello, Sunshine
Rumor has it Pharrell is a fan of "Family Guy" (and Ancient Aliens... Nerds rule!) but like most Family Guy fans, he especially enjoys Stewie.

So in honor of my favorite talented cutie celebrating his birthday today, let's wish him a great day and many more, and enjoy the funniest, most clever, and entertaining baby on the planet. 

Don't act like you never did the first one.

In case you've ever wondered

With Brian "...Why are you bringing me down, man..."