Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Sometimes I Just Wonder: "Clearing Head Space" edition

Nothing here is really worthy of a full post but these things are halfway on my mind and seem to be looking for attention.

I figure if I mention them and get them out the way, I can get some (other) writing done. I’d like to think it’s a nice way to start the new year with a fresh slate. So grab a snack, this might take a minute. I have a very large head.

Oh, and reader’s discretion is advised.

I am in love with Monkey Farts. That is to say that I am in love with this banana-scented candle available through the Meltdown Candle Company. The wick has an even burn and the aroma lingers hours after you extinguish the flame. I don't think I have to tell you that the Cinnamon Red Hot is another favorite, but they have a lot of giggly-titled scents to choose from ("Twigs and Berries" anyone?). Visit the website or if you're shivering in Michigan right now, find them at the Westland Mall by the Kohl's entrance.

Have you seen this?

Okay, so since one her legs looks like both of mine tied together, we’re about the same height, and I weigh more than she does, either Kandi is a 150 pound lie or I have a crazy large tumor that I’m not aware of.

Can you believe the same guy who told me I’d do good to lose 10 or 15 pounds had the nerve to act like she was hot? I rolled my eyes and encouraged him to try and find her and make a move. He might get lucky and get the Pop Rocks trick.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

...Today is a Gift...

It’s unlikely that Justin Timberlake will show up to your house in a gingerbread man costume, but feel free to scream like an Ellen audience member upon opening your presents this year.

Or you can use this vid as a laugh to relieve holiday stress.

No matter what you get, or don’t get, if you have access to this, are able to read it, or even woke up this morning, consider today a gift in itself.

Have a Safe and Wonderful Holiday Season!!

And warm hugs and kisses to George Michael. (Where is your winter hat, young man?) and the wonderful people that gave him (and us fans) another day.

Still the best version of this song: Wham!~ Last Christmas

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

...I Don't Need No Stinkin' Snow...

I make my own snowballs, man.

Right inside my head.

That’s something I’m still working on and determined to get under control because it is exhausting. I am exhausted. Every single muscle hurts and the migraines are so bad these days if I don’t vomit upon waking I think something is wrong. (See? That was a snowball right there.)

I still have this issue with any tiny little something sends the mind rolling into every possible disaster scenario and all the reasons why I’m pissed about it. And what really pisses me off is that it’s almost never my own stuff. And the “stuff” owners never worry about it because they have me to worry for them.

I decided I needed to do something nice for myself and I could not think of a single solid thing I wanted to do. Nothing, people.

What the heck, man? How could I not be able to come up with one- ONE! - nice thing to do for myself. What in tarnation… who does that?

These days a good day is day with nothing and no one. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to talk to friends or family or even hear your dog bark. I don’t want to turn on the TV, the internet, watch a movie or read a book. I want everything and everybody to shut up, leave me alone and stop trying to infect me with your mental viruses.

I have never been the sort to spread my misery but I guess I’m in the minority because most people get all Nino Brown with it like, “If I’m going down I’m taking a whole lotta m—f—with me.”

Sunday, December 18, 2011

..I'd Hit it...

I'll give you two guesses which one I'm talking about it.

You'd be right either way.

Seriously, is that her real body? Is this his?! I'm blinded by the hotness.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

...We Only Wanted a Phone...

My mom is in the market for a new cell phone, and by God people, does no one make a phone anymore that’s simply intended for making phone calls?

My current phone is about two years old. I paid something like 40 bucks for it at a Walmart and only bought it because I thought it might be nice to get a newer, more “modern” looking phone. The one before it was about 8 or 9 years old, maybe older.  It still worked fine and I had no problems with it at all.

It didn’t have a camera, but I could still get very basic internet access and text- neither of which I EVER used. It was pretty, blue, and a bar phone with solid features. I think if I stuck my sim card in it now, it would probably still work just fine.

My newer phone is a red, slider with all the same features plus a camera that I would only use to snap the picture of something really phenomenal in an emergency if I had to. You know, like the plate on a car speeding away from an accident or something, maybe Jesus walking across the street, but mostly it’s a “just in case” feature.

My mom is looking for a similar phone. It makes calls, can send and receive text, doesn’t purse- or butt-dial and works when you need it. That’s it.

Good luck with that, Mom.

Salespeople tend to look at you funny if you ask for that. They’ll point you in the general direction of a wall of cheap plastic phone-like objects and walk off without another word.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

...Dogs Rule...

It's no secret at this point how much I love and respect dogs.

And now Reagan earns another spot in my unofficial doggie hall of fame.


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

...That Reminds Me...

This is kind of a quiz for music freaks.

I come across these things all the time and then usually I forget about them, but for (soon to be revealed) semi-obvious reasons these popped up all at the same time so they’re kind of stuck.

What do these remind you of?

Kelis – “Perfect Day”

Michael Jackson – “Earth Song (What about us?)”

Frank Ocean – “Novocane”

Think about it, then hit the jump for the answers.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

...I Wanted to Buy a Sam Cooke Album...

I happened to pass Under the Cherry Moon at the library the other day and decided to check it out on a whim.

I only remembered it as being kind of a bad movie. And it was, but in the most awesome kind of way.

This scene is a classic